My Box of Chocolate

I had a wonderful birthday celebration last month.  The big 4-1.  Yup, this is big time.  Kurt and I don't usually do much to celebrate our own birthdays; not that I don't love a good celebration, but we've been so busy with the kids and the day to day grind that the day usually just passes without much hoopla.  

This year, though, Kurt was able to take some time off from work so that we could have a nice lunch out at Clyde's sans kids (the older kids were at school and Ellen sat with Evan...thanks again, Ellen!)  We have gone out together only a handful of times without the kids since Skyler was born, so this was a rare and special treat.  Plus, Kurt and I love Clyde's.  It's casual but has a celebratory feel, and the food is always fresh and yummy.  

In the evening, we continued the food fest with pizza from Ledo's and chocolate cake.  In my mind, a celebration ain't a celebration unless there's chocolate involved. The kids were excited about having a "party" but were pretty disappointed that there were no goody bags or other party accoutrements.  "Where are the party hats?"  "No pinata?!"  We'll have to remedy that next year.

Ever since I met Kurt when we were in our mid-20's, he's been talking about the 40's and how he's looking forward to being in the prime of his life.  Well, buddy, I guess this is it.  A birthday is always a great time to reflect, and now that we're in the so-called prime of our lives, and maybe even heading down the back nine, looking back is as irresistible as the possibilities and necessity of looking ahead.  

When I look at my life as it stands today, a SAHM of three, did I ever imagine that this would be it?  No, I don't think that staying at home full-time was ever on my 5 or 10-year plans.  Did I ever imagine raising a family so far from my own roots, creating a childhood for my kids that so little resembles my own?  No, that wasn't in any plan either.  But this is what it's been, and this is what it is.

When Kurt and I decided to start our family, it was important that one of us stay home to raise the baby.  It took a lot of sacrifice (especially in the early years on one government salary) for both of us, but I couldn't pass on those precious and ephemeral baby days.  The days have expanded to years, and I have grown, gradually but surely, into the role of full-time mama.

While I feel incredibly lucky and blessed to be able to stay home with the kids, it hasn't always been an easy path.  The sheer isolation, loneliness, and repetitive nature of the job can be tough.  Especially in the beginning years, I often felt like I was one Raffi song away from losing my marbles.  Even today, I miss adult conversation, the satisfaction of my own career outside of family, being able to go to the bathroom without an audience.  But if I could go back in time, would I do it all over again?  Absolutely.  In a heartbeat.  With no regrets.

One day down the road, I'll hang up my SAHM hat and return to the work force.  But for now, with these three munchkins, I feel like I've landed the teaching gig of a lifetime.  For now, I can't imagine any other way.  For now, it just feels right.

Thanks for lunch, Kurt!  I had crab cakes, and
Kurt had a crab cake sandwich (which is pretty
much what we always order.)  So. Yummy.

Anniversary dinner at Clyde's back in August 2004.
That's Skyler in my belly, the month before her debut.
We had crab cakes then, too.  (I love crab and never
pass on ordering it...it would definitely be
my Death Row last meal request.)

Best birthday gift: My Sweetpeas.